At this time of year, the only smalltalk among friends and family during Christmas celebrations is a comment on my ‘extensive holiday period’. I’d like to see some of my family members do this holiday with as much style as I manage to pull off!
But firstly: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Australia!
Traditional Christmas Symbolism:
Australian Christmas Symbolism:
….although, to be fair, it did drizzle a bit on Christmas Day 2013.
How to Christmas Holiday like a Science teacher:
1. Increase coffee intake so that your 10-week sleep debt catches up with you on the 27th, not the 25th. Try hard to remember that it’s not nice to snap at people.
2. Purchase gifts for everyone within two days. Do not buy anything that is more than 50% plastic and refuse shopping bags wherever possible. Don’t forget that children should be engaged in learning from their Christmas presents. (Yes, people ARE grateful when I’m their Secret Santa, why do you ask?)
3. Wrap presents as well as you can with minimal wrapping paper (reduce), rip the old tags off of last year’s gift bags (reuse), and separate the sticky tape and foil paper from the papery paper before putting the rubbish into your bins (recycle). Advertise unwanted boxes on freecycle for people who are moving.
4. Conveniently forget that the supermarkets are closed for two days. Neglect to shop for groceries. Strategically plan your meals based around the friends and family you visit.
5. OPEN GIFTS! Plenty of chocolate, Science documentaries, household trimmings and books to read! These gifts are truly orgasm-inducing! (Turn into boring adult: check!)
6. Watch housemates leave for work. Brainstorm people to hang out with…..but they’re all at work. Wait for something to happen on FaceBook.
7. Eat many things.
8. Sit on couch with no prospects of company for many days. Find reasons why usual exercise schedule is absurd and unachievable without a school routine.
9. Eat ALL chocolate with nobody around to avoid possible social tension stemming from an unwillingness to share.
10. Begin intense household cleaning regime.
11. Cook lots to pass time and to create MORE things to eat. (WARNING: Do not interact with scales).
12. Become dissatisfied with housemates and enter into harebrained scheme to move house. Keep this scheme continually running in the background.
13. Allow the days to pass in a blur of domesticity, superficial social encounters, overeating and vegetating.
14. One week before the return of school, panic.
15. Lock self in office and complete all planning, marking and resource creation that was supposed to be spread over six weeks.
16. Begin the term and dedicate yourself to teaching again at the expense of housework. Restart exercise routine. Plan to clean and cook again in ten weeks’ time. It is now safe to approach the scales, but you might have to leap over piles of mess……..
And that’s why they tell you to marry a teacher!